Beyond Destiny
by ava grayce
Summary: Harry struggles to find himself and reconcile his past after the prophecy has been fufilled. Harry lives as a muggle and must decide if he is ready to return to the wizarding world 5 years after Voldemort was defeated.Profanity,drug abuse,adult situations
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **The characters you recognize: Not mine.

Chapter 1 _And so it begins..._

For five years, he tried to forget. The evil, the vow, and the curse, or was it really a curse? To be stripped of all his powers, to be left defenseless and alone…well he knew the alone piece was just something of his own making. He just felt that he could never fit back into that world. _He had to vanish. Disappear and make a new life. _Especially now that he was just…

Just what? No longer was he a great promising powerful wizard, but he still believed in the magic. He was not a muggle. Not a wizard. _Stuck._ Like a squib. Except not at all like a squib. His magic had been bound by a vow and a curse. The curse first to leave him powerless and defenseless to save _his _own life. But the vow was the promise. The thing in which he was most afraid. The promise stated that his powers would return to save _another. _The "saving people complex" again. He could not use magic to defend his life but all of his magic would return instantly to save someone else's. He hoped and prayed it would never return. _It was too powerful. Too costly. He had felt how strong it had become after Voldemort's defeat. He knew it would be beyond his control. Beyond anything the world would see... _And to have them returned so he could save someone? He was most certainly retired from this endeavour.

And so he left. It was much easier than he thought it would be. Harder than he could ever dreamed as well. But it was his choice. His first real choice, his first act of freewill was to leave. No longer bound by prophecy, or demanding professors or a determined headmaster or by friendship. _Or by love._

Of course, now they had found him, through the postal system, no less. He grinned at the thought that all the powers in the wizard world could not do what a simple stamped letter could. Admittedly, he was more visible now, with the publishing of his first book.

It had created quite a sensation in the publishing world and the marketing of this "exciting young new writer" had been a bit much for Harry's tastes. Well J.H . Potter's case. He had adopted the J. as homage to his father, James. Most of his friends today didn't even know him has Harry, just J. He preferred it.

The book was a fictional thriller of a serial killer terrorizing a small town. What seemed to set it apart, according to the critiques, was the absolutely chilling description of the villain. "The author surely knows evil." One reviewer had written. And it was so true. After the rights of the book had been purchased for the American Edition, he was asked to be interviewed on the _Today _show and the interviewer made point to quote this review.

"J., Hedric O'Mallery of _Literature Review_ states that 'The author surely knows evil.' Do you know evil? Do you believe evil exists?"

"Until I was eleven years old, I lived thinking my parents had died in a car crash. I learned the truth of their death, of their murders, at eleven. When an eleven year old, when any child needs to be told of their parents' murder, then yes, evil exists in this world. I had occasion to later confront the man who killed them. I looked him in his eyes, and they were cold and dark. Chilling. I learned much about this man. About his early talents in life and his opportunities before he became what he did. He made a choice of who he was to become and by the time I had my chance to see him, he was a complete dark creature. Not even human anymore really. Evil. I believe the true startling thing about evil though is that it exists in us all. We do really all have the capability to become something inhuman. And to confront this possibility leaves us changed."

Confronting the Dark Lord five years ago had certainly left him changed.

The letter was a surprise but not totally unexpected. Hermione had written to him in care of his publisher after seeing him on a BBC interview show. Her first reaction must have been shock. He was fairly certain she read his book too. Hermione would have read it immediately. The letter was casual, forced but breezy. So as not to make him uncomfortable, he knew.

_Harry,_

_Congratulations on your publishing success! I am so proud of you and your accomplishment. I never dreamed you wanted to be a writer. But I guess we never took much time to discuss our dreams after the war, did we? _

_Ron and I would love to see you again. We have missed you. We're to be married next spring, and honestly Harry, it wouldn't be the same without you. Could we meet sometime for dinner? Call us at 023 84245487. We would love to have you at our flat (yes, Molly is still scandalized that we are living together) or we could go out to a nice restaurant. _

_Looking forward to your call. You'll always be our friend no matter what. _

_Hermione_

Chapter 2 

"You should call her."

"I know."

"But will you do it?"

He sighed. "I don't know."

"Hermione is your best friend, Potter."

"_Was._ She was my best friend. Everything's changed now, hasn't it?"

"Yes, but if I had a friend like your Hermione. I'd call her."

Harry turned to his friend and laughed. "Drake, you of all people, trying to convince me to call her? You hated her in school!"

"Yes. But like you said, everything's changed."

**AN: Reviews and suggestions appreciated. Let me know what you think. Thanks:)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: **The characters you recognize: Not mine.

Chapter 2

_"You should call her."_

_"I know."_

_"But will you do it?"_

_He sighed. "I don't know."_

_"Hermione is your best friend, Potter."_

_"Was. She was my best friend. Everything's changed now, hasn't it?"_

_"Yes, but if I had a friend like your Hermione. I'd call her."_

_Harry turned to his friend and laughed. "Drake, you of all people, trying to convince me to call her? You hated her in school!"_

_"Yes. But like you said, everything's changed."_

Harry smiled. What would any of them think if they knew that Draco Malfoy was his closest friend? The only one he still kept in contact with from _their world._ It had been a completely chance encounter to reunite them in an Austrian underground club three years ago.

The crowd was moving maniacally with the music. Patches pasted on their arm sending Ecstasy into their veins. Vibrant shades of liquor being consumed. Everyone moving, touching and melding into one. He watched the mass below while sitting at a table from the V.I.P. balcony as his date beside him took another pill; well on her way to not caring. He reached for one as well, then sighed as he identified it. _Not strong enough for him._ He glanced at the table beside him and saw another drug and wondered if they would let him join. _Of course they would let him join, if he could pay, he could very well play._

He stood up and reached for the clean syringe he usually kept in his pocket. _Safety first. _But before he could join the heroin party, he was tapped on his shoulder.

"Fuck."

Harry was confused at the one word the stranger muttered. He was familiar but when he was this buzzed, he was never sure what his brain was telling him. He didn't know if the tall stranger was cursing him or propositioning him. He glanced at his date, now completely drugged out. No fun with her tonight... but he'd have to be a lot more stoned to swing the other way. It just didn't come naturally for him. Then he looked again at the man's face. _Damn._

Malfoy."

Harry pushed the syringe back into his pocket, hoping Draco Malfoy did not see. Even after all these years, he could become embarrassed by what others thought of him. _Imagine, the great Harry Potter: a junkie. _He looked though in Draco's eyes and knew instantly that Draco wasn't exactly clean cut as well. The red gave tell tale signs of a very buzzed wizard. Draco's eyes met his and then wandered leeringly down his body. Draco smiled and bit his lip and Harry knew then that he liked what he saw. His black hair was short, his glasses gone, his body fit. He knew he was a far cry from the skinny boy at Hogwarts...but Draco Malfoy...checking him out? It was just odd.

"Come on, let's get out of here." Draco whispered as he leaned toward Harry.

Harry smiled seductively and leaned in closer. "There's nothing we can't do here. Or would you rather go back to my place?" Teasing him, he reached for his cheek.

Draco instantly caught Harry's hand and pulled him until their bodies touched... And kissed him hard. Deeply and violently. Harry pushed him away.

"What the hell?"

Draco smirked. " Thought so Potter. All talk... as always. Now let's get out of here."

" How do I know if I can trust you?"

" You don't, but honestly, do you care? Let's go. You look like death. If you get the hit you were going for, you'll probably O.D..."

"Concerned then, are you?" he spat bitterly.

"Come on, Harry. Let's just go. Ok?"

Harry shrugged and walked out with the taller man. Glancing at his incapacitated date, he knew she would fine. She was rousing a bit and would find another guy...or girl... to flirt with and sleep with tonight. Not too big of a loss, there would always be the next night. But he knew even then that he would not be coming back the next night.

As they walked outside, the crisp night air filled Harry's lungs. The alley was wet from a late night rainstorm. He took a cigarette from his pocket and lit it as he followed the man slowly toward the street. On the corner was an old cafe that catered to these drunken club goers after the party was over. At 2 am, they had certainly beat the rush. Walking in Draco sat at the nearest booth from the exit and Harry sat down too. The waitress instantly poured coffee without their order.

Looking at them both, it was obvious what they needed.

"Danke." Harry murmured. The waitress began to tell them the specials as he responded and translated for Drako who obviously did not speak the language. His talent for languages did not stop at Parselmouth he discovered during his trips. His German was very good and very fluent. Many of his new friends in Austria did not even know he was English. But he had learned to blend in so well since school ended.

After she had gone, they both just sat there in silence. It was so strange. To think they were both in a foreign land and they had both been partying in the same underground disco. It seemed surreal. Harry barely saw other wizards, of course he took the time to avoid them but he could always tell who they were. They emitted a different vibe than everyone else.

"So what brings you to Vienna?" Harry finally asked.

"Runway show. I'm a model. A local designer I've known for a long time flew me out. He wrapped up his big gala tonight."

" A model?" Harry laughed. Draco was tall and his body was nice. Harry could admit that. He did look well put together, but Draco Malfoy, a model...it just seemed...strange.

Draco grinned sheepishly. "Well I always was the most gorgeous bloke at school now wasn't I? It pays the bills."

"And always so damn modest too. You git."

"True. What are you doing in Vienna? I heard you had pretty much disappeared after... well... you know."

Harry lit another cigarette and smiled. "After I saved the world, you mean? I am just here. I am not doing anything productive or anything at all. Seemed like a nice place so I came here about six months ago. Before that I was in Paris and before that I was in New York. I just want to see everything you know? I never thought I'd live long enough to do anything or go anywhere... I never thought I'd win." He knew he was drunk. He never would have said this much if he hadn't been. Taking a deep sip of his coffee, he saw Draco staring at him intently.

"Yeah, I never thought you would either, but I'm sure glad you did."

Harry laughed.

"Draco -- "

"Drake. Call me Drake. I don't use that anymore."

"Yeah me too... most people call me J. for James. It's my pseudonym."

"You want me to call you J. then? What do you mean by pseudonym?"

"No. _You _can call me Harry. It would be weird for you not too. I guess I lied though when I said I don't do anything. I've been writing a bit. When I'm not completely stoned out of my mind. I've published a few bits in a magazine too. It's what I guess I'm trying to do. I'm writing a book...well it's not much of anything right now, just an idea. I've been trying to do a little something, a bit therapeutic I guess." He stumbled over his words. _What was in those pills he took tonight? He was amazed at the amount he was revealing to Draco...Drake...Malfoy. _

Are you still Malfoy?"

"Of course. I am the only Malfoy left you know." Draco sat up a bit as he haughtily said his words. _Obviously a sore subject, _Harry thought. _Of course, you git. You killed his father, not exactly a happy topic to bring up. And then his mother killed herself from grief... that her husband had been killed and her son had switched sides. Hell, her son had been instrumental in plotting the death of Lucius Malfoy. All the information Harry had received came from Draco and Blaise. But Harry, _he thought bitterly, _you still killed him._ And this was the first time since that day that both men talked to each other. Hell, even bothered to look at each other.

"Drake, I'm sorry."

"Damn, Harry. What do you have to apologize for?"

"For your...well for Lucius. I know we were never really friends but we had started to get past it hadn't we? Then when, well it happened, we never talked much again. I'm sorry."

Drake grinned. "You must be very drunk."

"I'm being serious."

"I know, I was a git back then. Angry and bitter. Stupid too. All of it. Harry, you were just doing what had to be done. I think most of all I was jealous."

"Jealous?"

"Jealous that I wasn't the one who got to stick that sword through his heart."

Harry winced at Drake's words. They were brutal, cold and calculating. Drake sighed and said softly, " Then I was guilty too. Because what person in their right mind would want to kill their own father?"

"Hard times for us all, I guess."

"Yes so glad they're over." Draco said sarcastically.

And Harry grinned knowing that they both knew they were still living through their own personal hell. "Yes so glad that whole mess is over."

**AN: Read and Review. Thanks.**


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Reviews always welcomed. Would love to know what you think.

Disclaimer: What you recognize: not mine.

Warning: Language, violence, mild slash (although this is not a slash story...sorry!)

"Hard times for us all, I guess."

"Yes so glad they're over." Draco said sarcastically.

And Harry grinned knowing that they both knew they were still living through their own personal hell. "Yes so glad that whole mess is over."

**Chapter 3**

And so began the comfortable and easy friendship of Drake and Harry. That night as they spoke more honestly than they ever had before with anyone, they realized that this friendship might be the hope both men had been so desperately cleaving too. They had both been searching so hard for something to sedate their minds, numb their dreams and forget their pasts that they never realized until fate intervened that the only way to keep the past in the past was to stop fighting it.

Drake stayed in Vienna for a week or so beyond his intended departure date and they talked. Discussed their dreams, their disappointments. The war. Everything seemed to begin and end with the war.

"I never could understand humanity's need to tear people apart." They were sitting on the floor of Drake's suite drinking Scotch and smoking cigarettes.

Draco laughed, "You're a philosopher, now?"

"Why, Drake, why did all of this happen?"

"Because one person decided he wanted all the power in the world, and a few people followed him, a few people fought against him, one person decided to change the world and mostly everyone else did nothing. Imagine if all the wizards had stood up against Voldemort? He would have had no chance against their combined power," Draco bitterly laughed, "But no, they sat on their lazy arses and waited for a child to save them. Harry, god, I don't know how you don't hate them all!"

"Who says I don't? I hate most of all though what I've become.," he sighed softly.

"A squib?" Draco murmured softly. Harry had explained to him days before about the vow and the curse.

Harry laughed surprising his blond friend. "A squib? You think that bothers me? No, I could live without magic my entire life. It was right after I killed him. I was so happy that he was gone and then I felt it all around. _How easy it had become to kill._ Lucius…" Draco winced at his father's name but Harry continued. "Bellatrix, Percy, Fudge, Voldemort. Damn, by the time he was left, he was easy. And the power, the magic I felt was ecstasy, pure joy. Even when I was torturing the Dark Lord." His tone was cold and flat and he could see in Draco's eyes the horror but Harry continued, he _needed_ to confess his sins. And Draco was the only one.

"With my magic, I am more powerful than Tom Riddle could ever dream. Did you know this? Every battle, every spell, every death, it seemed to grow. I welcomed the curse because if it hadn't taken my power, I would have become what I hated the most. I would of become the one who decided that he wanted all the power in the world. I _hate_ them for what they did…but I don't blame them. They were scared and honestly I could feel it, Drake, I could feel it corrupting me. And I never want to feel that way again. Hell. I never want to feel again." Harry took a long drag from his cigarette.

"Explains the drugs…"

"You're not exactly clean yourself."

"True, we're both fucked up." Draco smiled.

"God, I tell you that I am a monster and you still manage to make a joke."

"Harry, you are not a monster."

"How do you know, Drake?" Harry looked at his friend.

"Because you're Harry." Draco smiled and placed his arm around him, letting the man fall into his arms. And Harry for the first time since his godfather died, cried. Drake held him and let him release the emotion he had carried within himself so long.

Then Drake murmured softly, " I guess I should tell you that this is turning me on a bit."

At that Harry laughed. Not the bitter laugh that Drake had quickly become accustomed to hearing from his friend, but a real true laugh.

"You pervert."

"Yes, well… Malfoys tend to be a bit inappropriate."

"Well I'm sorry, you'll have to get me stoned on something stronger than scotch if you want to shag me, Mr. Malfoy." Harry teased.

"Oh really? So you've been with a man before?" Drake said ignoring the teasing because honestly, his curiosity was piqued.

"I've…um…experimented a bit. I've done about anything so it shouldn't be too surprising to you, should it? But I am not gay, I like women too much." Harry answered honestly but then added mischievously, " Sorry to disappoint you."

Drake sighed. "You know what? I think you just might have, Harry. I'm bi. I can swing either way. It's no matter now, but you have become damn fine these past few years. Who knows? Maybe I'll let you continue with your drugs just so I can take advantage of you." He teased.

"It really bothers you, doesn't it? Me, getting high?"

"Yes, you just seem, well, _too good_ for that."

"That was another time. I'm not too good for anything now."

"No, I mean now. Today. You seem too good to run away from things by getting stoned. You're worth too much to kill yourself slowly like this."

"Should I kill myself quicker than?" Harry snapped.

"Bloody hell, Potter. I'm being serious. It's time for you to stop this. It's madness. You said so yourself, the first night. You're not doing _anything!_ Why the hell are you here? What the fuck are you doing? Nothing! Absolutely nothing. Getting drunk and high every night. Fucking anything that moves. Being a complete arse. _Just because you're too much of a coward to actually start living._ You know for someone who says they're so glad to be out under that damn prophecy, you seem awfully content to waste the rest of your life. You're not dead, why do you live like you are?" Draco yelled, surprising even himself at the intensity he scolded his friend.

And Harry looked at him with his emerald eyes shining. His jaw stiffened and his mouth closed tightly as Draco continued. "You are worth too much, Harry bloody Potter and you don't even know it." At that he walked off the balcony and out of the room.

Harry sighed as he watched his friend go. Whispering softly as the door slammed, "You're right."

Drake did not return until late that evening and Harry just stayed in the suite lying on the bed waiting for his friend to return. Sure they had shared so much in such a short time, maybe too much. Harry tried not to think of the very real possibility that Drake might not return. _He has his baggage still here,_ Harry thought. _Of course the concierge could easily retrieve his belongings and forward them to Drake. No, he doesn't have to return really. Unless he wants too. Maybe it was too much to share. _Harry knew better than to be so honest, so trusting. He cursed to himself of his own stupidity. He knew he should just leave and be on his way, but he didn't want to go. He felt things changing and he needed to change. _If only he'll come back…_

Harry eventually fell asleep fully clothed only to wake up to the bright sunlight shining through the windows. Sitting on the bed beside him was Drake who was staring at him. Drake sighed and said, "Are you ready then?"

"Ready for what?" Harry mumbled, tired and still groggy from the alcohol last night.

"To leave, I have a shoot in Milan." Draco said confidently then his voice became softer, "I had hoped you would come with me."

Harry nodded, "Where were you last night?"

"Thinking. I've decided that you've saved us all and now I'm going to save you."

"Save me?" Harry sat up in surprise. "Do you think I need saving?"

Draco sighed, " I don't know, maybe that's not the right way to put it. I just know you need a friend. I won't be very good at it but being with you somehow makes what happened a little more bearable. If that makes any sense at all."

"So it's not all about me then."

"Of course not, Potter. I am a Slytherin. I will help you but you're helping me too. What do you say?"

"Haven't anything else to do, do I?"


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: Reviews always welcomed. Would love to know what you think.

Disclaimer: What you recognize: not mine.

"Thinking. I've decided that you've saved us all and now I'm going to save you."

"Save me?" Harry sat up in surprise. "Do you think I need saving?"

Draco sighed, " I don't know, maybe that's not the right way to put it. I just know you need a friend. I won't be very good at it but being with you somehow makes what happened a little more bearable. If that makes any sense at all."

"So it's not all about me then."

"Of course not, Potter. I am a Slytherin. I will help you but you're helping me too. What do you say?"

"Haven't anything else to do, do I?"

**Chapter 4 **

After a few years of roaming, they ended up back in England and were flat mates in London. And although not fully healed, they were considerably better off than their first encounter at the club in Austria. They surrounded themselves with all sort of muggles. Intellectuals, drunks, artists, punks. Their group was an eclectic mix of bizarre and worldly. It was nice in a way to find people who were comfortable in their own skin. Harry felt their presence along with Drake's had helped him focus on his writing. Their stories weaved together to inspire him. Lost in his writing was the only time he felt at peace within his own head.

Voldemort continuous attacks against his mind and sanity had left him searching for anything to dull the pain, to be able to now spend days in solitude exploring his darker thoughts and to translate to paper was nothing short of a miracle. And he knew it.

And he was proud of his accomplishment. Even if it meant that they might find him. He hadn't planned on leaving after defeating Voldemort. But they really had not given him a choice.

After he had systematically killed the entire inner circle, the Ministry had been worried. Without Dumbledore alive to keep his protégé in line, it seemed that Harry most likely would just kill Voldemort to take his place. The power was just too great, they had never such pure magic in any human being ever before. It was frightening.

The secret meetings occurred after Percy Weasley's remains had been cleaned  
(using some of the strongest cleaning spells known too magic) and identified. It seemed Harry had lost control and had obliterated the traitor. The sight was grisly. Disgusting and vile. The hardened aurors who came after Harry wrenched at the sight. _How could the Boy-Who-Lived do such a thing?_

Of course the answer was quite easy. Harry was no longer a boy. But powerful and ruthless. Too much pain in such a short time seemed to have made him immune to killing. It was their worst fears being recognized.

Of course, no one at that time was close enough to Harry to see him rubbing his skin raw red to try to get clean. Systematically scrubbing until blisters boiled up upon his skin. The three weeks of eating only to throw up every content of his stomach as his mind riddled with guilt and anguish reminded him of the scene he had left behind. The acidity of his stomach made his larynx swollen and his voice raspy and deep. His sleep had already been erratic was now non-existence. But he knew, to save everyone, he had to press on.

It had not been quite intentional; Percy being pulled apart into tiny pieces of bone and flesh. But Harry's increase in power had come as he came of age in the wizarding world and his power was strongly tied to whatever emotions Harry was feeling. Harry had very little control on much of his magic and he had no one who could help him. The only in the wizard in the world who could have maybe related to this "power that he knew not" had died.

The first secret meeting orchestrated by the minister to discuss the "Harry situation" had been divisive. Some wizards thought he should be killed by aurors as soon as Voldemort had been defeated. Others were shocked at the idea. A few suggested Azkaban. The second meeting more were leaning to his murder. By the time Fudge had been destroyed, almost all decided that Harry was just a weapon to be dismantled once he had been used for their purposes. Unknown to Harry, this group of ten governors and officials eventually decided Harry's fate. All except one, voted to "dismantle" their weapon.

The surprise attack on him by his most trusted companions, the aurors who had fought side by side against Voldemort had certainly been a shock. Only a few minutes after an exhausted empty Harry Potter had finally fulfilled his destiny and killed his enemy, his friend's attacked. The story the _Daily Prophet_ wouldn't even dream up on a slow news day had become reality. Harry betrayed by the light.

But of course, Harry lived. After all that's what he did, right? Unfortunately many of the aurors did not. Harry often wondered why he hadn't just let them take him and kill him. He realized it was just anger that kept Harry alive. Anger at the people he had just fought their battle for turning on him so violently and quickly. His childhood, his innocence, his sanity and purity taken from him so they could live. And they tried to take his life.

Nonetheless, it was Harry himself who ended up saving the wizarding world again, this time from their own fears of Harry's great power. Meeting with the Minister of Magic afterward behind closed doors, Harry decided what to do to alleviate the fears of all of them. He proposed the Salvation vow. And the curse. Both spells severely weakened a wizard for two different intents. The vow weakened them only to return them to full power if a life was to be saved. Once the life (any life, even their own) was saved, the wizard would be fully restored.

This was used by some wizards who adhered to Buddhist principles of enlightenment.

Many wizards from the far east felt the draining of their magic, thus the suffering they endured, helped them to achieve their enlightenment. The great wizard Buddha, himself had performed this spell.

The curse had before Azkaban had been built. It was to bind powers of cold-blooded killers who were sent to muggle prison colonies and essentially left them powerless to save themselves from harm. Many felons were killed by witch-hunts and by the elements of nature using this ancient curse.

The vow and the curse had never been used together. Until Harry.

The Minister of Magic and his council of wizards decided after the auror deaths that they had severely miscalculated and that although Harry most likely would become the next dark wizard, this was the only plan of action. The spells done together would weaken Harry's great power where he could barely perform any magic at all. _Lumos_ would be difficult to be done under just one of the spells, it would be near impossible to achieve under both (although Harry could do it, he could do a few other simple spells as well. He kept this information to himself for obvious reasons. If he allowed them to know that even under two binding spells, he could achieve a few acts of magic; it would confirm again to the council their greatest fears: Harry's almost infinite power). After taking oaths not to attack or intentionally harm Harry or to reveal to anyone the magic binding spells performed on Harry. They performed the spells to make the greatest wizard of their time a squib.

All the council agreed with this course of action, except one, the same person who had protested the assassination attempt as well. Arthur Weasley. Although his son, Percy had been violently killed; his daughter heartbroken; Ron, injured; Bill, killed in battle; he still loved Harry. Harry was still their son. Even after all that had happened, Arthur still believed in Harry. It was that faith alone that kept Harry from taking his own life during the first few weeks after the spells were cast.

Magic had been so much of who Harry was. Now he felt nothing. Was nothing.

He stayed at the Burrow for two weeks recovering from the aftermath of the spells. He decided there that he could no longer live within their world. He was already considering himself as a muggle and it was dangerous. If the wrong person bent on revenge found out what had happened, Harry would become a much too easy target.

Telling Ron and Hermione he was leaving was actually easier than he had hoped it would be. He realized that for their own healing, he needed to go. They spent far too much time trying to make Harry better, they had not done the same for themselves. After the hugs, tears and long goodbyes; Harry knew the right decision had been made. Even though –

"You're leaving?" a small weak voice interrupted the trio's hug.

Harry sighed and looked toward the doorway to see the much too thin and pale girl. Her hair was limp and dull. _And she was still the most beautiful person, he knew. Even after what she did…_

"Yes." Harry winced, the tone of his voice was colder than he had intended.

"Were you going to say goodbye?"

Harry sighed again, "I don't know, Ginny."

"Oh." Ginny looked into his emerald eyes. It was the first time in a long time that they had been able to meet one another's eyes. So much had happened, so much had gone wrong. Harry didn't even blame her anymore, but the pain and grief was still there. And this is what kept him from telling her everything she needed to hear. Everything he wanted to say.

"Ginny." He said walking toward the girl, touching her hand. Ginny winced, almost in pain at his touch. Her guilt consumed her so much that she felt she didn't deserve it. "I'm sorry."

Ginny gave a small smile, "Me too, Harry. Me too." And pulled away from his hand, walking out the room.

Watching her walk away was the hardest thing Harry had ever done in his eighteen years of life.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Reviews always welcomed. Would love to know what you think. Disclaimer: What you recognize: not mine. 

"Were you going to say goodbye?"

Harry sighed again, "I don't know, Ginny."

"Oh." Ginny looked into his emerald eyes. It was the first time in a long time that they had been able to meet one another's eyes. So much had happened, so much had gone wrong. Harry didn't even blame her anymore, but the pain and grief was still there. And this is what kept him from telling her everything she needed to hear. Everything he wanted to say.

"Ginny." He said walking toward the girl, touching her hand. Ginny winced, almost in pain at his touch. Her guilt consumed her so much that she felt she didn't deserve it. "I'm sorry."

Ginny gave a small smile, "Me too, Harry. Me too." And pulled away from his hand, walking out the room.

Watching her walk away was the hardest thing Harry had ever done in his eighteen years of life.

Chapter 5 

"It's because of her, isn't it?"

"What?" Harry asked, still holding Hermione's letter. Drake had interrupted his thoughts.

"You won't call because of her."

"Who?"

"Who? Shit, you know who the hell I am talking about. You're meeting Ron and Hermione, you don't even have to see Ginny."

"I know." Harry said softly.

"But?"

"But she is only one I want to see." Harry whispered.

"Damn. Even after all of these years? After all that happened? You do still love her don't you?"

Harry nodded. For the first time admitting it to himself.

Drake smiled, "Well then, that's that."

"That's what?"

"You've finally admitted it, now what are you going to do?"

Harry groaned. "There's not much I can do. Even if I still have feelings for her, it doesn't mean I can forget everything – "

"It wasn't her fault." Drake quickly interrupted.

"I know! I know that. But she knew she was… and she still…"

"Still what? Saved your life?"

"Yes."

"If she hadn't of come between you and the curse, you would have died, Harry."

"She shouldn't have been there! I told her not come. And if I had known…"

"You didn't know!"

"But she did! She knew…she _knew. She was carrying my child, Drake._ The only thing I have ever wanted is a family. And she knew that. She knew she was pregnant and she still came! And when she came between the _Avada Kedavra _curse and me… I thought she had died."

"I know. I still don't think most of her family knows how she really survived it."

"Well, who wants to tell your family that you were pregnant at 16? And that it was the baby who died instead of you when hit by an unforgivable by an evil dark lord? God, we were so young and stupid." Harry bitterly spat.

"I agree."

"She chose, Drake. She chose me over our child. I wanted so hard to be able to just get over that. But it was so different after that."

"And yet, you still love her."

"How could I not love her?" Harry whispered.

Drake hugged his friend. "You have had more than your fair share of shit in your life, Harry Potter. Why don't you see if you can be happy once and for all?"

"Happy? Is there such a thing?" Harry sarcastically replied. "No. I treated her terrible. Like crap. She would never love me again. Plus who knows? She's probably married and has a few kids…" Harry stopped at that thought, the idea of Ginny having children was very unpleasant.

"Well… I think she was seeing Neville for a while but I think that's been put on hold. She's a healer at St. Mungo's. I hear she's pretty good at it too. Still living at the Burrow though. From what I hear, Molly and Arthur have kept a pretty tight reign on her. _Very overprotective."_

"Who can blame them? After what she's gone through? How do you know all of this anyway?"

"You know I have my sources. The wizarding world loves gossip and Pansy loves it more than anyone else. Our weekly lunches are nothing more than her telling me everything about everyone. You should come some time. They're fun." Drake suggested.

Harry ignored the invitation. The idea of lunching with Pansy was not appealing. She was still a bit of a stuck up twit. She had married some high level Ministry wizard and had two small children. She knew her husband would be very upset with her weekly outings to muggle London to see an old boyfriend but it wasn't really like that. Drake and Pansy had been each other's firsts but the romantic attachment was tenuous at best. They were more best friends than lovers in school anyway and she could not give up that relationship for anyone. Even if Drake kept secrets and never let her visit his flat. Harry was sure she suspected he was living with some bloke and just couldn't admit it to her.

Being mistaken for Drake's lover was not an uncommon occurrence especially since both men were financially well off enough not to need a flat mate and because Drake was very affectionate with Harry. But those friends who knew them well enough, knew nothing was going on. Each man had an endless supply of lovers going in and out of their lives. Well… Drake more than Harry. It seemed without the aid of drugs to forget Ginny, Harry found it hard to be interested in anyone else. Which judging by the inordinate amount of redheads that Harry brought home, it was no surprise to Draco that Harry still had feelings for Ginny Weasley.

"Well?" Drake demanded.

"Well what?" Harry asked confused, realizing he had been lost in his thoughts again. He was thinking about her.

"Why don't you contact her? You'll never know if you don't try. And you guys at least owe to yourselves to try to put your resolve things a bit. Don't you think? Resolution is good."

"Yes. I guess… but so damn hard, you know? I'd hate walking back into her life and making it worse for her. Plus this isn't about her…it's about Ron and Hermione. What should I do about them?"

"Hmmm. I think maybe I should go to St. Mungo's. Invite Ginny to dinner."

"What!"

"Listen, Harry, you need this. You need to let her know you don't hate her at least."

"I've never hated her. Why would I hate her? What do you know, Drake?" Harry demanded.

"Nothing, Harry. It's just – just, when Pansy talks about Ginny, I get the feeling she has a tough time at it, you know? Maybe you can help her. And help yourself. Ron and Hermione can wait. If you're seriously considering making contact with them, you should contact Ginny first. You owe that to her."

Harry groaned. He knew Drake was right. But he was so damn confused. Did he even want to contact any of them? Why did he care about them so much anyway? _Because they have always been there for you… because they are your friends. It would be better if he just stayed away. _He thought of the last time he saw them all as he left. They didn't understand why he had to "get away" but they let him go. They probably thought he'd be gone a few months and come back…

But he couldn't. Live in that world again. Ever. Especially without his power. God, he missed the feeling as the power coursed through his veins. He was absolutely terrified of the power, but the euphoria and the pure adrenalin it caused was better than any high any drug could manage.

"No."

"No what?"

"No, I'm not calling Hermione… you're not inviting Ginny anywhere. No. I don't want to go back. It was just a thought." Harry sighed.

Drake knew he couldn't argue with his friend. Harry had come so far. He had even published an amazing novel. He was getting on with his life. But maybe it was too soon to open old wounds. "Someday you'll have too, Harry, you'll have to face them."

Harry looked up at his friend. Drake was startled at the intensity and the pain that shone through Harry's emerald eyes. "I know. Drake… I know. But not today, okay?"


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: Reviews always welcomed. Would love to know what you think. Disclaimer: What you recognize: not mine. 

But he couldn't. Live in that world again. Ever. Especially without his power. God, he missed the feeling as the power coursed through his veins. He was absolutely terrified of the power, but the euphoria and the pure adrenalin it caused was better than any high any drug could manage.

"No."

"No what?"

"No, I'm not calling Hermione… you're not inviting Ginny anywhere. No. I don't want to go back. It was just a thought." Harry sighed.

Drake knew he couldn't argue with his friend. Harry had come so far. He had even published an amazing novel. He was getting on with his life. But maybe it was too soon to open old wounds. "Someday you'll have too, Harry, you'll have to face them."

Harry looked up at his friend. Drake was startled at the intensity and the pain that shone through Harry's emerald eyes. "I know. Drake… I know. But not today, okay?"

**Chapter 6.**

It seemed for the next few weeks, that they avoided the subject of Harry visiting his old friends. It made their usual easy conversation a bit strained. Drake avoided mentioning his weekly lunches with Pansy in case it would bother Harry to _even _mention that world and Harry just avoided talking _at all. _Of course, Drake had become accustomed to Harry's various periods of melancholy where he would go days, even weeks where they would go without meaningful conversation and the interesting thing about their relationship is that those silences were comfortable. However, this was not. Harry was being moody and sullen.

Drake hoped something would happen soon or all the progress Harry had been making might be lost to the depression he was allowing him to slip into. Dray had tried all he could to try to "save Harry" even going so far as to letting it slip to Pansy that Harry Potter was the muggle author, J. Potter and that he was making appearances across town. Maybe through Pansy, that information would get back to Harry's old friends and they would forget Harry's boundaries and force Harry to face his past. But knowing those damned Gryffindors, they would respect him too much to intrude like that.

It irritated Drake to no end, although he tried to be understanding, how Harry could not see that by his avoiding his past, he was limiting his future. Whatever demons he had needed to be exorcised and taken care of before he was able to move on. It was obvious to _anyone._ Of course, every time Drake thought this, he then would silently curse himself for sounding like one of those pop psychologists on the telly who promised to fix their guests problems in an hour minus the time taken for the advertisements. _Too much television._ But still it was true.

Harry too, knew that avoiding it would not make it better but it seemed better in his mind than the alternative. He was surprised at how thrown off he was about receiving Hermione's letter. It had certainly dredged up a lot of unwanted memories. He couldn't go back though, could he? _No,_ he thought bitterly, _I am nothing to them now without your powers._

_You still mean something to your friends. _Another thought would contradict.

_Why should you? After you abandoned them?_

"Great, voices in my head. That's a lovely way to be committed." He said as the internal dialogue became heated and was honestly giving him a headache. He rubbed his hand against the faint scar outline on his forehead as habit dictated and went searching for aspirin.

"What?" Drake said hearing Harry mumble something under his breath. He had been mindlessly watching television thinking about going out to get away from _him._ He really was a prat sometimes.

"Nothing. Where's the damn aspirin in this place? Shit, nevermind. Where are the cigarettes?"

"I thought you were quitting."

"Fuck you."

"Oh well. That's lovely." Drake sarcastically replied.

"I'm sorry! I am stressed, please. Just try to help, please. Where are they?" Harry said realizing he had taken his anger out of on his friend and had probably taken it a bit too far.

"There are some in my top dresser drawer, you can have a pack. I don't make silly promises to myself about quitting smoking. I _like_ being a nicotine addict. Of all the vices I could have I figure smoking is one of the more tame ones." Drake quipped deciding to ignore his friend's mood.

Harry grinned at him for the first time in weeks. "Ah, but that's not your only vice."

Drake grinned back, "True."

Harry retrieved the cigarettes and went to the balcony to smoke. Drake joined him and took a cigarette as well. "Okay, Harry. Are we going to talk about what's really bothering you, now?"

"No." Harry said and then looking at his friend's disappointed face he continued, "Not now. Especially not now. I have to be at that signing thing in an hour, and I think I'm a bit wound up right now. Let's meet for drinks later, okay?"

"I can't tonight. Hot date."

Harry's eyebrow raised, "Really? Anyone I know?"

"No. I just met him at the club Roger and Glen dragged me to Friday. Actually, he is a friend of Roger and Glen's and it was shabby set up attempt. But he ended up being quite nice."

"Quite nice? Oh no, this could be serious."

Drake began to protest but couldn't. Alex had been a pleasant surprise in an otherwise shit-filled week. Instead, he smiled.

Harry groaned. "Oh, Dray, you like him!" He teased his friend.

"Maybe. We'll see, won't we?"

"When do I meet him then?"

"Um."

"Oh no. I must certainly meet my best friend's love of his life. And not in the middle of the night while going to the bathroom either. I don't need images of anymore of your boyfriends starkers." Harry continued teasing glad that the attention had be diverted to more frivolous matters.

"Oh please, first of all, 'love of my life' is a bit dramatic even for you, Harry. Secondly, Jim was just as embarrassed about that whole incident."

"Okay then, so when do I get to meet your new friend? What's his name?"

"Alex. And later. You know how difficult it is to explain us with new people."

Harry's eyebrow raised again. "Us?"

"Well yes, not many people understand why we're living together. We don't really have to you know."

"I know… you don't want to leave do you?" Harry asked softly.

"No! No, Harry, no. You're my best friend. I love you. _I wish you were gay._ But –"

"Which may be the reason why your friends…your _lovers_ – have an issue with us, Dray."

"True." Drake looked into his friend's deep emerald eyes. "But I've realized, maybe for the first time ever, that I was doing the same thing you are doing."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I was too hung up on you even though there's not much of a chance of us, right? Because I suspect, even if you did want me, you would be too hung up on Ginny to ever make a good go at a relationship. So I've given up on all that. I'm glad you're my best friend but if I ever want to have a real 'grown-up' relationship, I need to be more...open to it." Draco shrugged and continued, "Well you know, just a new theory I'm testing."

"How…astute." Harry murmured.

"I didn't want to upset you."

"No, I know. You haven't, Dray. I _am still in love with her. _And you're absolutely right, even if I were gay or bi or whatever, I don't think we could ever be something because there is always her. It's like that with all my relationships, isn't it? God, I am so fucked up."

"No. You're not." Drake protested. "Well maybe a little. But aren't we all? I mean I've been in love for three fucking years with my best friend who happens to be very straight and very much in love with his first _girl_friend. That's a bit fucked too."

Harry laughed and then looked at the time. "Oh shit, I'm going to be late. Thanks, Dray, for the cigarettes…and everything. Good luck with the date. I _am going to meet him soon!" _Harry rushed off the balcony gathering his wallet and keys.

"Yes, you will. I think, I think I could really like him." Drake said as he followed his friend into the living room.

Harry stopped his frantic pace and smiled at his friend. Nodding his head he said, "Good, I'm happy for you."

"Have a fun book signing."

"Oh yes, joy." Harry sarcastically replied as he left the flat. "They're so dull."

**AN: I love Harry and Draco's interaction. I think they totally "get" each other. If I hadn't already plotted this story, yes I do know where this is going, I would totally make this a Harry/Draco fic. As it stands it will be Harry/Ginny which isokay too.**

**Okay, kiddos, I know people are reading (I'm see that from the number of hits I receive) so how about a review too? (Thanks to those who have already done so!) :)**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Reviews always welcomed. Would love to know what you think.** Disclaimer: What you recognize: not mine.

**_Here's a bonus chapter for you:)_**

"Have a fun book signing."

"Oh yes, joy." Harry sarcastically replied as he left the flat. "They're so dull."

**Chapter 7**

After apologizing his literary agent, Max, for being late. Harry settled down for the obligatory reading of his book. The passage chosen was so familiar Harry did not need to look at the words on the page. He went through the motions reading to his fans and then later signing autographs. He knew he wasn't the friendliest author but he figured his agent said he needn't be. Max thought Harry could pull off the enigmatic young author well enough without many pleasantries. Harry just couldn't stand the crowds or the attention, but he knew it was part of the "job."

He was just nearing the end of his book signing when a pair of soft delicate hands placed a book in front of him. Before he could look up to greet the fan, he noticed the ring on her left hand. It was big on her finger even though it appeared she used tape to size it and it was silver with emeralds wrapped around a phoenix. It took his breath away. Because he knew that the ring had been his… and he knew who possessed the ring now. For what seemed an eternity but was only a few seconds, he stared at the hands in front of him. He didn't want to face her, but now he realized he had no choice.

The hands reached quickly to take the book away, mistaking Harry's hesitation for rejection. Harry reacted quickly and grabbed hold of her hand. Standing up just as quickly, he met her beautiful eyes and all else was forgotten. He walked away from the table with Ginny's hand still in his. Max began to protest but soon realized it was futile, he quickly thanked the remainder of Harry's fans and sent them on their way.

Harry led Ginny to the bookstore's backroom.

"Ginny."

"Harry."

Harry wanted to say so much. He felt so ashamed of the way he had treated her. He felt so stupid for waiting this long to see her again, _she was beautiful. _And she had come to him. He wanted to wrap her in his arms and apologize for everything. He had so much to say and didn't know where to begin. They stared at each other for such a long time, lost in the moment of just being together.

"I shouldn't of come." Ginny said softly, pulling her hand away. " I just…"

"No!" Harry realized how harsh his protest sounded and softened his voice, "I mean, I'm glad to see you, Ginny. I –" He began but was still stuck on the plethora of words he wanted to say.

Ginny sighed. "It's still too hard isn't it?"

"No, Ginny. The hardest part was being away from you."

Ginny's eyes widened. She had not expected Harry to be like this. She had only come because of her own curiosity. She had been foolish but when she had heard about J. H. Potter from Pansy Parkinson, no less and who he really was and that _he _would be here today signing books, she could not resist. Hiding behind a bookcase as he read his own words was amazing and she should have left it at that, she had been berating herself. But she had to see him. To see how he would look at her. Would the hate still be in his eyes? And now looking into his eyes, she wandered if she ever really saw hate at all. Was it possible, even after everything, he might still love her? As much as she loved him?

"Ginny – I've been so stupid. Oh my god. I can't believe what an idiot I've been." Harry rushed his words. "I am so sorry, Ginny for all the hurt I've caused you. It's so good to see you. You're beautiful."

Ginny blushed and looked down. "It's me Harry who should be sor-"

"No!" Harry interrupted, "Don't apologize. I was the wanker. I was sore you didn't tell me about…you know. But I should've never treated you that way. Do you know how hard it was to leave? Knowing everyday I wouldn't see you?"

"Then why did you leave?"

"I was so confused with everything and then…there was something else, something horrible. But I can't tell you now. The ministry. They took a part of me away. They… I want to tell you, Ginny. I want to tell you everything. But I can't not here. But I will. If you'll let me. Oh my god, Ginny, oh _thank you. Thank you for being here._ You're exactly what I have always needed. Please. Oh, Ginny, please forgive me." Harry said intensely. He was scared to death that she was just a dream or not real at all. Was his Ginny really standing in front of him? Would she ever be able to give him another chance? Was it even possible? Should he even dare to hope?

Ginny stared at him for an eternity, and did the only thing that made sense at that moment to do. She forgave him for every hurt he caused and she forgave herself for the guilt too. Deep relief rushed through her and she, in turn, rushed toward Harry enveloping him in a deep hug. "Harry."

"Ginny."

Then, like magic, they kissed.

And no everything wasn't perfect. They weren't perfect. But it was right. It was what was meant to be. Andit washard. Butit wasgood too. They were together and nothing else at that single moment of time could mean anything more.


End file.
